Friday, March 25, 2011

You want me to do what with whom?!

You finally worked up the courage to tell her some of your deepest fantasies. Only, she didn't think your fantasies were hot - she was downright disgusted! What do you do now?

First and foremost I want to say, It's sex. Kink. Fetishes. You're not participating in acts to hurt or deceive people, you're simply exploring some fantasies you have. If your partner thinks your sexual desires are disturbing or wrong, then you two definitely need to have a heart-to-heart. Sex is such a scary topic for a lot of people, even nowadays. They believe that sex is ONLY for procreation, and everything else is unnecessary. Maybe they were raised this way, either by fear from their parents or lack of teaching from them. They may have grown up in a world where you had to hide your feelings and desires, so how would they know how to express themselves, especially sexually? They think sex is very dirty and has no place being discussed in broad daylight, outside of the bedroom.

How do you work with someone of this mindset? Perhaps you start off by trying to make them comfortable with the topic of sex in general. Who casually talks about sex when they're making dinner? Sweeping the floor? Folding laundry? Driving down the street? Clothes shopping at the mall? You can bet that we do. It's a normal part of our everyday lives, so why restrict it to bedroom talk? I believe that talking about it a lot and making it "normal" to discuss daily is the first step to opening up communication. This will then give you the opportunity to discuss other sexual related topics, such as the kinks you have and the ones your partner may be curious about. Yes, if you're not already doing this, it WILL be difficult at first. Keep in mind your goal is to make you two comfortable enough to talk about sex anytime, anywhere. This may lead to acceptance or possible exploration of some new ideas and fetishes.

Unfortunately, no matter how bad you want it, or how hard you try, some people just aren't willing to accept cuckolding. They don't understand it, and because they can't wrap their heads around it they are scared. You won't be able to change their mind. With these people, the more you push this subject, the more upset they get. Never a good thing. Yes, I know the term "these people" can be taken the wrong way, but obviously not all people look at things the same. So... what do you do? When faced with a situation such as this, when simply talking won't cut it? First, if this overwhelming disgust for anything sexual exists, sometimes you may want to seek counseling; I am in no way saying every time, but perhaps there are underlying issues that you may not connect the dots on, or you may be unaware of.

I have had more than a few men email me, asking if they should leave their wife because she is a prude and because he cannot understand why she doesn’t like the same things he does. My response to that is always the same: not all couples have everything in common, but most have enough to make them compatible. Most people who enjoy the same things are drawn together by more than one outside influence. The bottom line is if you're not compatible and don’t have anything in common, then the decision to separate from the relationship or marriage isn't just because of cuckolding. If you feel that you aren't happy and don't want to be with this person, then I am sure you have had those thoughts long before you wanted her to cuckold you.

In the end you should try to be as happy as possible. This is but one life we have, and I see no reason to go through it being miserable and wishing for something different.

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